On Christmas Day It Happened So

Having talked at great length a fortnight ago about English folk tales of a vengeful Jesus (which were usually derived from a combination of old Saxon mythology, and just the everyday harsh realities of medieval peasant life), today it's worth having a look at the king of them all.

The origin of On Christmas Day It Happened So is very unclear, but it's persisted as a carol into modern times in the West Midlands, partly kept alive by gypsies in Shropshire and Herefordshire. The story is simple and brutal: a poverty-stricken farmer is ploughing a frozen meadow on Christmas Day in desperation to support his starving family. Along comes Jesus (who obviously enjoys a good walk through a frozen meadow in the West Midlands on his birthday) and enquires what's occurring. The farmer gives him the basic lowdown - poverty, famine, impending homelessness - and waits for a bit of Christian kindness.

Sadly but inevitably, he hasn't encountered the Biblical Jesus who conjures up magical feasts for the poor. Instead, this is Jesus the Saxon Bastard, fresh from drowning rich boys in The Bitter Withy, who doesn't take kindly to peasants trying to eke out a miserable existence on his birthday. He opens the ground up, sends the farmer toppling down to Hell, and then leaves the bloke's wife and children to starve in the street. As you've probably gathered, this isn't a song that invites much chuntering about angels or singing "fa la la" for no reason. This is religion at its most nasty and vicious (or "medieval", as it's better known).

All of which is a roundabout way of wishing everyone a merry Christmas; enjoy your food, and whatever you do, don't go near your plough today. Jesus is in a funny mood.


On Christmas Day it happened so
Down in the meadow for to plough,
As he was ploughing all on so fast
Up stepped sweet Jesus himself at last.

"Oh man, oh man, why do you plough
So hard upon Our Lord's birthday?"
The farmer answered him with great speed,
"For to plough this day I have got need."

His arms did quaver through and through,
His arms did quaver, he could not plough.
The ground did open and lose him in
Before he could repent of sin.

His wife and children's out of place,
His beasts and cattle almost lost.
His beasts and cattle they die away
For ploughing on Old Christmas day.
His beasts and cattle they die away
For ploughing on Our Lord's birthday.